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<\/p>\n\u201cI thought we had everything. We weren\u2019t rich, far from it, we struggled. But we had love, and each other. Two beautiful little twin girls, a home. The best part of my day was watching him with our girls after work. Pure, unconditional love. I didn\u2019t know that night when I went to bed, I didn\u2019t know my life was about to change forever.<\/p>\n
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I had been coaching at cheer practice while he was home with the twins. I rolled my eyes as I left to drive home, reading his text telling me they were having \u2018so much fun that the house was kind of messy.\u2019 He had tucked them into bed by the time I walked through the door. I was so glad to be home. I loved being with him, just doing nothing, just being together. This weekend he was meant to be home before leaving to work out of state for a week. He was so worried about leaving me alone. He hated leaving me, he knew taking care of toddler twins was a handful. He always appreciated my role as a stay-at-home-mom and was the most amazing father. Helping in every way he could.<\/p>\n
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Around midnight we both decided to head to bed, the usual \u2018I love you\u2019s\u2019\u2026exhausted\u2026I remember him rubbing my back as I drifted off to sleep.<\/p>\n
At 5:00 a.m., I awoke to use the bathroom. I guess he couldn\u2019t sleep? He wasn\u2019t in bed. He must be downstairs with a bowl of cereal and an episode of \u2018Stranger Things.\u2019 Ok, I\u2019ll go see. The darkness that hit me as I made my way down the stairs seemed strange. The TV wasn\u2019t on. No living room lights. Just a faint glow from the bottom of the bathroom door.<\/p>\n
\u2018Hun\u2026 Whatcha doing? You ok in there?\u2019<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
\u2018Hun\u2026?\u2019<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
I tried turning the knob, and it wouldn\u2019t budge. Locked. I remember my heartbeat growing rapidly faster\u2026 I remember my voice getting louder\u2026 and I remember banging my fists on the door. I can also remember grabbing my phone and quickly dialing those numbers\u2026 9-1-1\u2026 for what seemed like eternity. I can see myself kicking\u2026pounding\u2026trying so hard to break through that door.<\/p>\n
At some point I saw the ambulance and let them through, directing them to the bathroom. In an instant a paramedic busted the door in, as I stood close behind. There he was. The love of my life, my soulmate, the father of my children. He was gone. It took me only a second to run out the front door and into the cold. I didn\u2019t know where I was running, just away from the horror I had just seen. I wanted to erase it in that moment, it couldn\u2019t be more than a bad dream. The blur of a voice approaching said, \u2018I\u2019m sorry.\u2019 The flashing blue lights that began to engulf my driveway were next. My babies. What about my babies?<\/p>\n
\u2018I\u2019m not ok, don\u2019t tell me I\u2019m ok.\u2019 My home turned into a crime scene. For 4 hours they left his body there. They questioned me, they searched my house. Nothing can prepare you for that. Nothing. Nothing can take away the pain of trying to accept he is gone. Forever. The pain of instantly trying to imagine what your life will be, what your children\u2019s life will be without a father. How much hurt and anger can fill your soul at once?<\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n
That was the night that changed my life forever. This disease took him from us. Addiction. I\u2019ve spent the last year and a half trying to put the pieces back together. My heart was shattered. I\u2019ve struggled to find a way to explain to 3-year-olds where \u2018dadda\u2019 is. I\u2019ve continued to try to make peace, even as I\u2019ve gone on to lose more, like the house we made together. But, I\u2019ve stayed clean. He didn\u2019t. And it was too late, in one tiny instant. I couldn\u2019t save him. Love couldn\u2019t save him.<\/p>\n
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I hate that we are a number now\u2026 a statistic. He wasn\u2019t my statistic. Six months it took for the toxicology to come back because of the backup at the medical examiner\u2019s office. He wasn\u2019t just a number to me or my girls.<\/p>\n
I know he is no longer in pain, I do my best to remind myself that he is finally at peace with his demons. Either way, none of it seems fair. I know he didn\u2019t want to leave us. I know he didn\u2019t want to die. I also know, that unfortunately, I am not alone. My hurt is repeating itself every day across this country. I will continue to fight my own disease and to pray for the addict that still suffers. For myself and for my children. Life is worth it. We are worth it. RIP my love. EJF 12\/20\/80-1\/13\/18.\u201d<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/62261246_1170764903083119_2091170901558034432_n-900x1200-1-225x300.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
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