When it comes to dating and relationships, everyone has different expectations when it comes to the future. Some people choose to remain single, some get married, and some are in a romantic relationship for a long time, but have no intention of walking down the aisle. There are many reasons why some women don\u2019t want to get married, and they range from wanting to focus on other things to simply just not wanting to be married.<\/p>\n
In fact, according to the Pew Research Center, as of 2017, 42 percent of U.S. adults live without a spouse or partner, which is up from 39 percent as of 2007. And, also according to the 2017 stats, approximately six in ten adults younger than 35, 61 percent, live without a spouse or partner versus 56 percent from 10 years prior. So, unmarried people are far from alone, so to speak, and it seems to be a trend that\u2019s becoming more and more popular.<\/p>\n
Of course, when it comes to getting married, there\u2019s no right or wrong answer since every person has to choose what\u2019s best for them. \u201cStatistically, more and more people are choosing to stay single,\u201d Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life, tells Bustle. \u201cFor some, it is a conscious choice to not repeat negative experiences \u2014 their own and their parent\u2019s failed relationships guiding the decision.\u201d She adds that other reasons to stay unmarried include maintaining a sense of independence, freedom, and control over one\u2019s one life and finances; a lack of desire to have children; and the lack of belief in \u201cThe One.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOverall, many people feel happy and satisfied with their unmarried status, so why change what\u2019s working by complicating things,\u201d Hall says.<\/p>\n
Exactly \u2014 different women have different reasons for not wanting to tie the knot. Below, women share why they don\u2019t want to get married.<\/p>\n
1
\nElisa, 28<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve grown up in a (regular) happy home, but with many friends who came from homes of divorce. Later, of course, I\u2019ve seen many friends get cheated on or cheat on someone \u2014 so the idea of staying with one person forever, even through those situations, doesn\u2019t make sense to me. However, I fully respect the idea of marriage for people who choose to honor it, but it just seems like a title and joke to me personally.<\/p>\n
I almost got married a few years ago, but the idea of being tied down really got to me. I\u2019m now very happy that it didn\u2019t happen \u2014 I would have felt a bit shameful about getting married even though it wasn\u2019t what I wanted. I also don\u2019t plan to get married because of the cost, dress, venues, food\/liquor, rings \u2014 it all just seems so frivolous for a \u2018love commitment\u2019 that I can\u2019t buy into it.\u201d<\/p>\n
2
\nLeslie, 39<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to get married, and I\u2019ve been in a relationship with my fianc\u00e9 for 10 years. Yes, I am engaged \u2014 I wanted to experience what it would feel like. For me, it\u2019s an entirely different feeling from being boyfriend\/girlfriend\/significant other. I\u2019ve greatly enjoyed the heightened feeling of love and devotion and am all set now, in terms of titles. I\u2019m just not interested in marriage \u2014 it\u2019s not something I want or need to do in my life. I\u2019m also not comfortable having an expensive\/extravagant event in my honor \u2014 I know I wouldn\u2019t be able to handle the pressure of planning a \u2018perfect day.\u2019 I realize I could elope, or go to City Hall, but again, marriage won\u2019t change anything in my relationship. I know it\u2019s clich\u00e9, but I just want to be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n
3
\nKelly, 56<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the last nine years, I\u2019ve been traveling full-time. I housesit (and even wrote a book about it!), where I live at no cost in someone\u2019s home and care for their pets while they vacation. I\u2019ve housesat in London, Amsterdam, Berlin, Gibraltar, throughout Africa, Hanoi, Osaka, Kuala Lumpur \u2014 even Ya\u2019an, a village in China! I\u2019m now in Mexico, where I housesit every spring. It\u2019s a great lifestyle\u2026 and one that would be really difficult if I were married. I\u2019ve never been married, and have no plans to change my single, globe-trotting ways now!\u201d<\/p>\n
4
\nNina, 30<\/p>\n
As someone who is both of Nigerian descent and a Christian, people tend to be totally shocked when I tell them that I don\u2019t want to get married. Both of these cultures are extremely patriarchal and tend to judge a woman\u2019s worth in terms of her relationship to men \u2014 with the role of wife and mother being seen as the ultimate crown of womanhood \u2014 and this is to the point of overshadowing whatever other amazing feats she may have achieved beforehand or even go on to do afterwards. As a result, I grew up witnessing multiple female role models either forfeit their dreams, stay in abusive relationships, or operate from a place of low self-worth due to these religious, cultural, and social constructs.<\/p>\n
Because of this, marriage (or the idea that my worth, purpose, or happiness should be tied to a man) came to symbolize entrapment, restriction, and the loss of identity very early on in life. So, to quote Jessica Knoll (bestselling author of The Luckiest Girl Alive), \u2018ever since I was a little girl, my fairy tale ending involved a pantsuit, not a wedding dress. Success meant doing something well enough to secure independence\u2019 and, ultimately, my freedom.\u201d<\/p>\n
5
\nHazel, 31<\/p>\n
\u201cEven though my girlfriend and I can (finally!) get married, we don\u2019t want to. We both believe that as long as we\u2019re committed to each other, we don\u2019t need a piece of paper to tell us that, too. Plus, we\u2019d rather do something else with the money we would have spent on a reception!\u201d<\/p>\n
6
\nChristine, 35<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I got married, I\u2019d have to take on my partner\u2019s debt. No thanks. I\u2019d rather our finances be completely separate.\u201d<\/p>\n
7
\nAngela, 33<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to get married. I grew up as an only child, and have never really felt the need (or desire) for a partner. I have had relationships that rival your fave romance novel, and tragedies that Adele couldn\u2019t fathom singing about, but at the end of the day, I\u2019m always the most satisfied when I\u2019m single. I\u2019m also a digital nomad, and while I know plenty of nomad couples, I honestly think having another person in my life would simply get in the way.\u201d<\/p>\n
8
\nKaley, 31<\/p>\n
\u201cThis year will mark nine years that I\u2019ve been with my boyfriend. For context, I met him while I was a freshman in college (he lived in another city, and we were long-distance for about four years). He was my first and only serious boyfriend \u2014 we have no children, we are not religious, and we do not want children. Purchasing a house together this year has felt like our version of marriage or a wedding. In ways, it feels like a bigger deal and more of a milestone than getting married ever could.<\/p>\n
Our situation is not a result of him \u2018dragging his feet\u2019 or a lack of commitment, which is a common assumption of those who don\u2019t know us. If anything, I\u2019ve \u2018led the charge\u2019 on proactively writing off the idea of a marriage. I think the confidence and independence I developed being in a long-distance relationship is part of the reason I (and he) don\u2019t want to, nor feel compelled to, get married. We know each other so intimately, we trust each other whole-heartedly, and I\u2019m confident that marriage wouldn\u2019t catapult us into a new level of closeness or intimacy \u2014 I wouldn\u2019t feel \u2018safer\u2019 or any more \u2018taken care of\u2019 by being married to him.\u201d<\/p>\n
9
\nStefanee, 28<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been with my partner for almost four years. In addition to being incredibly dated, the entire tradition of marriage is steeped in sexism. A man is essentially treating the woman as a possession by first asking a woman\u2019s father or mother for permission before asking the woman. He then proceeds to \u2018buy\u2019 her off by offering her an expensive present (ring) in return for her last name and loyalty for life. Separate from the sexism, I don\u2019t believe in getting state law involved in my partnership with another person. I\u2019m all for celebrating love and wouldn\u2019t\/don\u2019t criticize friends and family who get married. However, for me, the idea of marriage is the opposite of romantic, and not a tradition I choose to practice or promote.\u201d<\/p>\n
10
\nShannyn, 31<\/p>\n
\u201cI was engaged back in 2013, and after discovering some serious dishonesty, I called the wedding off. I\u2019m now in a loving relationship with a man I see as a life partner, but have no interest in getting married. We\u2019ve been together about three years, and, all the time, people ask when we\u2019re tying the knot! I just bought my first house (it\u2019s mine!) and I have a reputation, including degrees with my maiden name which, past 30, I don\u2019t want to change. We keep our finances separate, and emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise, I\u2019m completely satisfied. Marriage wouldn\u2019t add anything to the table, financially, and I haven\u2019t been able to research and back up what benefits it would give us beyond the emotional ones. Since we\u2019re both happy, I have no interest in changing what works!\u201d<\/p>\n
11
\nLisa, 40s<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I was younger, I was more open to getting married, but I wasn\u2019t a person who absolutely wanted to \u2014 it was more a case of if the right person came along. As my 20s turned into my 30s, I was less and less open to marriage. Now that I\u2019m in my 40s, I would not get married even if I found the love of my life\/soulmate, because: 1) Money: This is my biggest concern when it comes to marriage. I worked very hard for the money that I have, and I don\u2019t want risk losing it (I own property and have investments). My money is mine and I decide what I do with it. 2) Lifestyle & values: I work very hard at my job. Many times, I have put in 60 hours plus at my workplace. Can my husband deal with someone who works as hard as I do? I also take my religious faith very seriously and attend services every Sunday, as well as endeavor to follow the tenets of my religion in everything that I do, not just on Sunday. 3) Children: I do not want children; regarding having children, you can\u2019t compromise. 4) Infidelity: I understand that one-night indiscretions happen, but what if it wasn\u2019t a one-and-done incident? What if it was something that was going on for months or years? What if a child came about due to an affair? How do you resolve an issue like that?<\/p>\n
Yes, there are those who are very happy in their marriages, and I wish them all the happiness in the world. But marriage is more than just loving someone \u2014 it is sharing your time, money and most personal self. While single life can be lonely at times, any problems that I have are mine alone to deal with. I don\u2019t have to worry about my husband putting us into debt or how I will raise my child because I don\u2019t have a husband or child. It is just me.\u201d<\/p>\n
As you can see, there are several reasons why some women prefer not to get married, and you may be able to relate to some of them. Whatever the case may be, only you know your reasons, and it\u2019s best to honor them above all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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