The word \u201cnarcissist\u201d gets thrown around quite a bit, but the traits that make up a narcissistic personality are actually pretty misunderstood. While you might picture a narcissist as someone who is totally in love with themselves, that\u2019s not the whole story. While personality traits of narcissists include being conceited and self absorbed, Preston Ni wrote on Psychology Today that psychologist Stephen Johnson defines a narcissist as \u201csomeone who has \u2018buried [their] true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.’\u201d<\/p>\n
Psychology Today also noted narcissism is actually a spectrum, like autism. \u201cAt one end of the self-loving spectrum is the charismatic leader with an excess of charm, whose only vice may be his or her inflated amour-propre. At the far end of the spectrum reside individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, whose grandiosity soars to such heights that they are manipulative and easily angered.\u201d<\/p>\n
What\u2019s more is that pathological narcissists only make up one percent of the population, which means that a lot of people who are labeled as narcissistic are likely those who have toxic personalities, other undesirable qualities, or an abundance of narcissistic qualities but don\u2019t warrant a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (which can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe disorder can be diagnosed only by a mental health professional and is suspected when a person\u2019s narcissistic traits impair his or her daily functioning,\u201d developmental psychologist Eddie Brummelman said in an article by Rebecca Webber on Psychology Today. \u201cThe dysfunction might be related to identity or self-direction or cause friction in relationships due to problems with empathy and intimacy. It might also arise from pathological antagonism characterized by grandiosity and attention-seeking.\u201d<\/p>\n
Additionally, there are many different types of narcissists, and here are six traits to be aware of if you suspect you\u2019re involved with a narcissist.<\/p>\n
1
\nConstant Lies & Exaggeration
\nA narcissist tends to present everything as \u201cso amazing\u201d or \u201cso awful,\u201d depending on the situation. The \u201camazing\u201d behavior usually paints a picture of them as the best at everything, the most successful, the most dedicated, the most beautiful, the hardest working, etc.<\/p>\n
The \u201cawful\u201d routine is designed to inspire attention and sympathy. Medical News Today reported that narcissists \u201ccommonly exaggerate their achievements, talents, and importance.\u201d They also \u201ctend to seek out praise and positive reinforcement from others.\u201d<\/p>\n
What\u2019s more, Lenora Thompson, who writes the blog Narcissism Meets Normalcy on Psych Central, noted: \u201cNarcissists are the heroes (and\/or the victims) of their own mental fairytale. They live in a false narrative of their own fabrication. This is the foundation of their pathological lying.\u201d<\/p>\n
She goes on to say that by definition pathological liars might not even be aware they are lying so they don\u2019t define their behavior as either lying or exaggeration. If you\u2019re involved with someone who constantly displays this type of grandiose behavior, and they also exhibit other narcissistic traits, you might be dealing with a narcissist.<\/p>\n
2
\nThey Are Never, Ever Wrong
\nEveryone is wrong sometimes. After all, no one is a robot (that we know of). No one likes being called out for being wrong. However, a true narcissist will never, ever admit they\u2019re wrong or have made a mistake. Like, ever. They\u2019re likely react very poorly to being questioned or challenged. Now, we can all get like this sometimes, but a true narcissist will behave this way all of the time.<\/p>\n
\u201cMany narcissists and gaslighters have thin skin and can react poorly when called to account for their negative behavior,\u201d Ni noted on Psychology Today. \u201cWhen challenged, the narcissist is likely to either fight (e.g., temper tantrum, excuse-making, denial, blame, hypersensitivity, etc.) or take flight (bolt out the door, avoidance, silent treatment, sulking resentment, or other forms of passive-aggression).\u201d<\/p>\n
3
\nThey Can Rationalize Anything
\n\u201cRationalizing, I would argue, is simply another word for a narcissist employing pathological lying to make their wrong behavior seem like right behavior in their own eyes \u2026 and ours,\u201d Thompson noted on Psych Central.<\/p>\n
If things go sideways, a true narcissist will likely make every effort to explain how everything is actually exactly what they intended. Additionally, they often rationalize questionable behavior if it serves their end goal. You can usually tell when this is happening because your bullshit meter will go off. A narcissist will try their best to get you to ignore your intuition and come around to their way of thinking, because they are always right.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnything weird, anything that doesn\u2019t feel right, doesn\u2019t ring true, is too good to be true, or is bad masquerading as good, takes a lot of words to rationalize \u2026 all signs of pathological lying,\u201d Thompson explained.<\/p>\n
4
\nThey Project A False Image
\nA true narcissist wants you to think they are beautiful, wonderful, successful, and killing it at life at all times, even if it isn\u2019t true. Narcissists spend a great deal of time and energy pointing out their \u201csuccesses\u201d to others, even if everything behind the scenes is a sham and can be proven false. Hmm, sound familiar?<\/p>\n
\u201cThis \u2018trophy complex\u2019 can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, socially, religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally,\u201d Ni explained on Psychology Today. \u2018The underlying message of this display is: \u2018I\u2019m better than you!\u2019 or \u2018Look at how special I am \u2014 I\u2019m worthy of everyone\u2019s love, admiration, and acceptance!’\u201d<\/p>\n
5
\nThey Use or Control Others
\nGenerally, a narcissist tries to control others to compensate for feeling inadequate in some way. Thus, the narcissist may use those closest to them to achieve goals, realize ideas, and make statements regardless of what the other person wants or needs. It\u2019s all about them all of the time, and other people are simply props they can use for their own agenda.<\/p>\n
According to Ni, \u201cBoth narcissists and gaslighters have a tendency to make decisions for others to suit their own agenda. Narcissists may use their romantic partner, child, family, friend, or colleague to meet unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill unrealized dreams, or cover-up weaknesses and shortcomings. Narcissists are also fond of using guilt, blame, and victimhood as manipulative devices.\u201d<\/p>\n
6
\nThey\u2019re Constantly Creating Drama
\nDramatic moments can be fun once in a while, but constant drama every single day is exhausting. Narcissists are notorious for purposefully causing unnecessary drama by pitting people against each other, provoking people, spreading rumors, you name it.<\/p>\n
\u201cMany narcissists have unpredictable mood swings and are prone to emotional drama \u2014 you never know what might displease them and set them off,\u201d Ni noted.<\/p>\n
This could mean you might spend most of your time walking on egg shells so you don\u2019t set off the narcissist, which could force you into another cycle of useless drama that you\u2019re not set up to win because, the narcissist thinks they are always right. Rinse and repeat.<\/p>\n
Do you sense a theme here? Detaching yourself from a true narcissist is difficult, and if you think you\u2019re involved with one, it\u2019s best to talk with a therapist about how to move forward to reclaim your life. Psychology Today has a Find A Therapist feature that can help you locate someone. Because, you deserve better, today, and everyday.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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