If they\u2019re acting fishy, it\u2019ll only be a matter of time before you take a deeper look at the signs your partner is cheating. Because even if you trust them, something small but strange \u2014 like the fact they\u2019re always hiding their phone, or don\u2019t talk about you on social media \u2014 can make you feel uneasy.<\/p>\n
And rightfully so. While there are plenty of reasonable explanations for these odd habits \u2014 maybe they\u2019re planning a surprise party, or have decided they don\u2019t like Instagram \u2014 it\u2019s important to trust your intuition, and not ignore the signs of a cheater.<\/p>\n
If something feels off, the best thing to do, according to Dr. Fran Walfish, a relationship psychotherapist, is to chat with your partner. \u201cTalking is the glue that holds people together,\u201d she tells Bustle. Not only will it spare you needless worry, if nothing\u2019s going on, it\u2019ll also begin a potentially relationship-saving conversation about boundaries, trust, etc.<\/p>\n
While you don\u2019t need to have your eyes peeled 24\/7 for signs of trouble, knowing what\u2019s worth worrying about can come in handy. Below, experts explain what to look for, and others share stories about changes they picked up on, right before they found out their partner was cheating.<\/p>\n
1
\nThey Change Their Appearance
\nIf your partner suddenly cares about their appearance way more than they usually would, it could be a sign they\u2019re cheating, Dr. Caroline Madden, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in infidelity, tells Bustle.<\/p>\n
And she doesn\u2019t just mean putting on a clean pair of jeans, or buying a new shirt for work. Maybe they\u2019ve gotten a whole new wardrobe, are going to the gym five nights a week, or inexplicably spend hours prepping in front of the mirror.<\/p>\n
If it\u2019s out of character, and the improvements don\u2019t seem to be for them or for you, consider it a red flag. Madden says it may mean they\u2019re sprucing themselves up for a new love interest, or that they\u2019re trying to attract attention.<\/p>\n
2
\nThey\u2019re Being Weird About Their Phone
\nExperts say there are countless phone-related signs of cheating. Your partner might set a long password, turn the screen away from you while texting, or receive more messages than usual.<\/p>\n
For Samora, 36, she became suspicious when her boyfriend started getting texts late at night. \u201cMy intuition told me that it was another woman,\u201d she tells Bustle. \u201cSo I just watched as he answered the texts and turned his phone facedown on the sofa \u2014 something that people do when they need an extra layer of privacy.\u201d<\/p>\n
She confronted him, and he denied it, joking he didn\u2019t have \u201ctime\u201d to date anyone else. But when she still couldn\u2019t shake the feeling something was up, Samora started reading his iMessages while he was in the bathroom \u2014 something she wouldn\u2019t normally dream of doing.<\/p>\n
Sure enough, she found his conversations with other women. \u201cHe was basically a single man, according to these texts,\u201d she says. \u201cLong story short, I broke up with him although he begged to work it out. I could never trust him again.\u201d<\/p>\n
3
\nThey Develop New Interests Out Of The Blue
\nIt\u2019s awesome to pick up fun hobbies and to encourage each other to try new things. But if your partner has ditched video games for the cello seemingly overnight, something might be up.<\/p>\n
\u201cPart of falling in love with someone is learning what they like,\u201d Madden says, so a random hobby like this one could be their way of impressing a new person. \u201cIt becomes fascinating and interesting because they find their new lover fascinating and interesting,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
This is one of the giveaways Rachel*, 45, picked up on right before she discovered her husband was cheating. \u201cHis taste in music changed,\u201d she tells Bustle. (He was also on his phone a lot more often, or had it lying screen-side down.)<\/p>\n
\u201cLooking back, I now think every time I had a \u2018feeling\u2019 he was cheating, he was, but I can\u2019t confirm it,\u201d she says. \u201cI just chose to ignore it because I didn\u2019t want to believe it.\u201d<\/p>\n
4
\nThey Seemingly Disappear When They Leave The House
\nIt\u2019s healthy to spend time apart and give each other space. But if your partner seems to fall off the face of the earth whenever they leave the house, or if you can never predict where they\u2019re going, take note.<\/p>\n
As Dr. Catherine Jackson, a licensed psychologist, says, a change in routine is often what gives a cheater away. You might notice \u201cthings like spending more time outside the home when they \u2018run errands,’\u201d she tells Bustle, or that they\u2019re staying extra late at work. It\u2019s also a red flag if, when you call to find out what\u2019s taking so long, they don\u2019t pick up.<\/p>\n
Nine times out of ten it\u2019s nothing, so don\u2019t assume this is a sure sign of cheating. Some people are just really bad at monitoring their phone, and won\u2019t even see that you called. But, if it all seems extra fishy, their absence might also mean they\u2019re sneaking around.<\/p>\n
5
\nThey Don\u2019t Talk About You On Social Media
\nOnce you\u2019re an established couple, \u201cyour partner should be comfortable sharing your relationship openly and honestly,\u201d Adele Alligood, a couples therapist, tells Bustle. That often means they\u2019ll happily tag you on social media, talk about you in their posts, comment on your photos, etc.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s exactly why Kiedra, 35, started to feel weird when her boyfriend stopped doing all of that, and began acting like she didn\u2019t exist. \u201cHis reasoning was, \u2018I don\u2019t put my business out on social media,’\u201d she tells Bustle. But since he had posted about her in the past, the explanation didn\u2019t make sense.<\/p>\n
Then he started getting late-night calls and his ex began commenting on his photos, so Kiedra decided she needed more information. \u201c[His ex] had contact info on Instagram so I called her and introduced myself.\u201d While they spoke, her boyfriend happened to call as well, so she merged the three calls together. And that was that.<\/p>\n
6
\nThey\u2019re Suddenly Super Nice
\nEmotional distance \u2014 or a sense that your partner is closed off or \u201cfar away\u201d \u2014 can be a sign of cheating. But, rather surprisingly, so can the opposite.<\/p>\n
\u201cGuilt and the need to cover up the affair may motivate your partner to be more \u2018affectionate\u2019 towards you to keep you off guard,\u201d Dr. Ellen Kenner, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle.<\/p>\n
Are they sending flowers? Saying \u201cI love you\u201d every five seconds? Being weirdly cuddly at night? Of course it could just be a sweet gesture, but when coupled with other weird changes, could also be a sign something\u2019s up.<\/p>\n
7
\nThey Accuse You Of Cheating
\nAnother strange one: your partner might start pointing fingers at you and accusing you of cheating, if that\u2019s actually what they\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is a favorite tactic of cheaters,\u201d Madden says. \u201cThis is usually met with additional statements of how important fidelity is so that they look like someone beyond reproach.\u201d But the reality is it\u2019s often just a way of throwing you off and gaslighting you.<\/p>\n
Something similar happened to Ally, 26, when she came across emails that proved her boyfriend had been cheating. She confronted him, but he denied it wholeheartedly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI let him gaslight me into believing what I saw wasn\u2019t the truth and we continued dating for a couple of months,\u201d she tells Bustle. But eventually the guilt got to him, and he admitted she was right.<\/p>\n
8
\nThey\u2019re Less Interested In Sex
\nIf your partner usually initiates sex but has recently stopped, this could be one of the sexual signs of cheating, Madden says. Suddenly losing interest may mean they\u2019ve found sex or emotional intimacy outside the relationship.<\/p>\n
Similarly, if they have that \u201cfar away stare\u201d while you\u2019re kissing or having sex, Kenner says, it could mean they feel like they\u2019re cheating on their other love interest \u2014 with you.<\/p>\n
Alternatively, it could all be totally innocent. It\u2019s absolutely normal for there to be lulls in your sex life with your partner, especially if both of you are busy and tired. Taking a new medication or dealing with a lot of stress could also contribute to lack of desire to have sex, so do not immediately jump to conclusions.<\/p>\n
There is no one-size-fits-all way to tell if a partner is cheating, but weird changes likely feel weird for a reason. If you can\u2019t shake your concerns, find time to talk ASAP, so that you can both sort it all out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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