Marriage burnout is a real thing \u2014 and it\u2019s more common than people think, says Gabby Jimmerson, a couples and sex therapist based in Tennessee.<\/p>\n
She defines marriage burnout as a \u201csoul-deep kind of tired,\u201d the kind that happens when \u201ccouples feel emotionally depleted,\u201d whether that\u2019s from lack of connection, unresolved conflict, unmet needs, or navigating betrayal. You can also think of it as a form of \u201cemotional exhaustion,\u201d adds sex and self-intimacy coach Angie Enger, noting that it can crop up during \u201chigh-pressure seasons\u201d like raising young kids or caring for aging parents. \u201cIt\u2019s that heavy feeling of \u2018I just can\u2019t do this anymore.’\u201d<\/p>\n
Marriage burnout is a combination of fatigue and unhappiness, deep dissatisfaction and exhaustion with your marriage, and it\u2019s definitely a challenging experience for any couple. But the good news, both Enger and Jimmerson say, is that you can come back from marriage burnout. \u201cIt\u2019s not necessarily a sign the marriage is over, but it\u2019s a loud alarm that the current system is broken,\u201d Enger says.<\/p>\n
7 Signs and Symptoms of Marriage Burnout
\nMarriage burnout is that feeling of emotional exhaustion you get when you just don\u2019t have the energy to try in your relationship anymore. According to Jimmerson and Enger, signs of marriage burnout can include:<\/p>\n
1.Feelings of apathy, hopelessness, or resentment
\n2.Emotional numbness or indifference toward their partner
\n3.Sometimes or frequently fantasizing about being alone
\n4.Lacking the energy to fight or engage in conflict resolution
\n5.Feeling dread about coming home and looking for excuses to be out of the house
\n6.Viewing every interaction through a negative lens
\n7.Lacking a true emotional connection or feeling \u201clike roommates\u201d
\n7 Ways to Heal Your Relationship from Marriage Burnout
\n\u201cGetting out of burnout is absolutely possible,\u201d Jimmerson says. \u201cThe hardest part is committing to doing something different\u2014even when it feels uncomfortable\u2014but that\u2019s often what creates meaningful change.\u201d<\/p>\n
Not sure where to start? Jimmerson and Enger offered seven tips for working your way out of marriage burnout.<\/p>\n
1.Interrupt the cycle. Enger calls this the \u201cfull stop,\u201d and recommends simply saying to your partner, out loud, \u201cI don\u2019t like how this feels and I want it to change.\u201d<\/p>\n
2.Figure out what\u2019s gone wrong. \u201cRepairing marriage burnout starts with identifying what\u2019s gone sideways,\u201d Jimmerson says. Common patterns include \u201cpoorly managed or perpetual conflict (i.e. having the same fight over and over without getting anywhere), feeling unappreciated or unseen, or a chronic imbalance in responsibilities,\u201d she explains.<\/p>\n
3.Get radically honest. \u201cThis starts with honesty to yourself,\u201d Enger says. If you\u2019re spiraling over something your spouse has said or done, she says, \u201cask yourself what the feeling underneath that complaint is.\u201d Then, when talking about it with your partner, use \u201cI\u201d statements, like \u201cI feel overwhelmed and lonely\u201d instead of \u201cYou never help me.\u201d<\/p>\n
4.Learn new ways to communicate. If you and your partner are in perpetual conflict that\u2019s fueling your marriage burnout, Jimmerson says, you\u2019ll need to learn new ways to communicate (like those \u201cI\u201d statements above). Working with a couples therapist can also help here.<\/p>\n
5.Compromise when you can. There\u2019s often an imbalance of responsibilities in long-term relationships, as you and your partner get used to doing more or less of the chores and tasks around the house. If this issue is causing resentment and burnout, \u201cit needs to be directly and respectfully addressed and renegotiated,\u201d Jimmerson says, \u201cwhich will likely require compromise.\u201d<\/p>\n
6.Focus on positive moments. Sometimes burnout can result from a lack of appreciation or connection. If that\u2019s the case, Jimmerson says, \u201ccouples can begin rebuilding by intentionally noticing and expressing positive moments,\u201d intentionally shifting their mindset towards positivity instead of getting caught up in the negative.<\/p>\n
7.Celebrate \u201cmicro-wins.\u201d Similarly, Enger says, it\u2019s unrealistic to expect you\u2019ll fix your whole marriage in a day. Instead, \u201cFind one small thing you can enjoy together\u2014a 10-minute walk, play a card game instead of watching tv, high five every morning\u2014and keep it up for at least a week!\u201d She often recommends couples start off with activities she describes as \u201ctiny and stupid,\u201d as small as skipping rocks together (yes, really).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Marriage burnout is a real thing \u2014 and it\u2019s more common than people think, says Gabby Jimmerson, a couples and sex therapist based in Tennessee.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11085,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11084","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11084"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11084\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11086,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11084\/revisions\/11086"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11085"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11084"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11084"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11084"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}