You\u2019re Easily Triggered<\/strong><\/p>\n No one likes to think about their ex after a breakup, but take note if small memories seem to trigger intense emotional reactions. Maybe you hear a song, see a similar car, or get too close to a certain part of town, and just like that you\u2019re super upset.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIf the feelings land in the category of trauma, one could [even] feel scared and have a startle response if triggered by something that reminds them of the person,\u201d Dr. Robin T. Hornstein, PhD, a psychologist, tells Bustle.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In that case, you might jump, feel nervous, or even want to leave the situation. \u201cAfter a breakup from a non-toxic relationship, you might see the same car your ex drove and have a sad or wistful response,\u201d she says. \u201cIf the relationship was toxic, you might find that the car itself is enough to make you change plans, even if you notice it is not the same license plate.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 2<\/strong><\/p>\n You Feel Paranoid<\/strong><\/p>\n Branching off of that, notice if you feel paranoid or worried that you might run into your ex \u2014 and not just because it would be annoying or weird to see them.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Hornstein says paranoia is often left over from the toxic things your ex did to control and manipulate you, such as calling your work to make sure you\u2019re there or telling you what you could and couldn\u2019t do. It can result in a lingering feeling of being watched or having to look over your shoulder, because that\u2019s the type of lifestyle you became used to.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If this level of intense paranoia doesn\u2019t go away, Hornstein suggests reaching out to friends, loved ones, and professionals for support.<\/p>\n 3<\/strong><\/p>\n You\u2019re Full Of Doubt<\/strong><\/p>\n Once a toxic relationship ends, “it\u2019s common to feel as if you have finally ‘escaped’ or gotten out,” Dr. Josh Klapow, PhD, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. There might be a wave of relief as you create distance and start to think about the future.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n But once the newness of the breakup wears off \u2014 which might only be hours later \u2014 it’s not uncommon for intense feelings of doubt to creep in. “There is such a dependency that is created in a toxic relationship that once you have escaped, it\u2019s common to wonder \u2014 ‘did I do the right thing?’ or ‘was this really my fault?'” Klapow says.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It’s in this stage that many people get back together with their ex or try to reach out, just to make the discomfort go away. If your ex was toxic or abusive, it’ll be important to give yourself plenty of time to adjust and process what you went through. It may take a lot of work, but you will eventually realize it\u2019s better to move on.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 4<\/strong><\/p>\n You Want To Jump Back Into Another Relationship<\/strong><\/p>\n That said, you might find that you immediately jump into a different relationship \u2014 usually one that is equally toxic \u2014 or that you feel the need to bury tough feelings by dating lots of new people at once. Rebounding is a common way to ease the pain and\/or cover up intense feelings of loneliness, Klapow says, but it\u2019s important to recognize it may be a sign of relationship trauma.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Again, it\u2019s understandable why you\u2019d want to start over and look for company, but give yourself time to heal before trying to move on. If you can, look into low-cost or free care facilities that could help you address what you went through. \u201cNot examining these issues \u2014 not dealing with the trauma \u2014 positions you to walk right back into it again,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 5<\/strong><\/p>\n You Feel Guilty<\/strong><\/p>\n Feelings of doubt and loneliness may be replaced with guilt for not having moved on sooner. \u201cThere might be a general sense of wasted time, lost days, months, years of life, and a general desire to get on with it,\u201d says Klapow.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This is common after any failed relationship. You might wonder why you stuck around with someone who wasn\u2019t right for you. But if toxicity is at play, the feeling will be amped up a notch. \u201cAll of this sets a person up to be in a very vulnerable state,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 6<\/strong><\/p>\n You Keep Blaming Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n Due to the fact you were manipulated and gaslighted, you might even believe that you \u201ccaused\u201d this breakup, Dr. Holly Schiff, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. You also might worry that you drove your ex to act the way they did or feel as if you caused the breakup by being \u201cdifficult\u201d \u2014 even though that isn\u2019t true.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This type of relationship PTSD will cause you to over-analyze what happened and replay scenarios of how things could have been different, adds relationship expert Rori Sassoon. You\u2019ll wonder what you could\u2019ve done differently and feel intense guilt for not being \u201cperfect.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s hard, but redirecting your thoughts in these moments is super important. “The goal is to start re-centering yourself to focus on you and to re-pattern your attention,” Sassoon says. This can be done with the help of friends or a trained therapist who can assist you in breaking out unhelpful thought cycles.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 7<\/strong><\/p>\n You Feel Like You Don\u2019t Deserve A Healthy Relationship<\/strong><\/p>\n Low self-esteem, to the point where you feel like you don\u2019t deserve a happy relationship, is another sign of trauma. \u201cYour ex-partner throughout the course of the relationship probably made you feel lesser than, talked down to you and belittled you, so you felt like you had no good qualities or anything to offer,\u201d Schiff says. It\u2019s yet another reason why you may feel drawn to unhealthy dynamics with others and maybe even end up with another toxic partner.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 8<\/strong><\/p>\n You Have Intrusive Thoughts<\/strong><\/p>\n While it’s OK to think about your ex as you process what happened, be on the lookout for signs you’re getting obsessive. It may feel like you want to think about something else, but can\u2019t.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n “Individuals who have post-traumatic relationship disorder have a tendency to struggle with obsessive thoughts about following relationships,” Naphtali Roberts, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Intrusive thoughts can be vivid, scary, and often totally dictate your day. “This can often lead to distraction, acting impulsively, difficulty falling or staying asleep, or constant crying or irritability because you remember past choices,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 9<\/strong><\/p>\n You Have Nightmares<\/strong><\/p>\n Trauma can cause you to experience intense flashbacks, where it feels like you\u2019re transported back to a moment in your relationship and are reliving it in real-time. It can also cause nightmares where you wake up in a cold sweat with your heart racing, clinical psychologist Dr. Paul DePompo, Psy.D, tells Bustle. This is because your body and mind are still hyper-alert for signs of a problem, which makes it tough to relax. It\u2019s also due to the trauma that has lodged itself deep in your brain.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 10<\/strong><\/p>\n You Have Trouble Trusting Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n If you were confident before the breakup, you might notice that you don\u2019t know how to act afterward. You can\u2019t make decisions, you can\u2019t figure out what you want, and you may not know what to do next because the foundation of who you are has been so deeply impacted.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIn a toxic relationship, the other person benefits by you being dependent and then may not trust you if you show signs of being your own person, such as having a friend’s night out,\u201d Hornstein says. Your ex may have shattered your confidence, separated you from friends, or convinced you that you \u201cneed\u201d them in some way.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This type of gaslighting and manipulation can really affect your sense of reality. It can be tough to trust your instincts afterward \u2014 until you get support.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 11<\/strong><\/p>\n You Feel Anxious & Unsettled<\/strong><\/p>\n “PTRS can be defined as an anxiety disorder that can occur subsequent to the experience of physical, emotional, or psychological abuse in the context of an intimate partner relationship,\u201d says Bates-Duford.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n There are so many causes of anxiety, so don’t jump to any conclusions and assume you were in a toxic relationship or that you’re traumatized simply because you feel anxious. But if it lines up with what you experienced in the past it might not hurt to look into it as a cause and seek treatment where necessary.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 12<\/strong><\/p>\n You Feel The Need To Apologize<\/strong><\/p>\n “When you’ve been in a toxic relationship you often develop coping patterns to try to keep the chaos to a minimum,” Roberts says. “One of these patterns can be saying you are sorry for all of your thoughts, feelings, or actions.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And it can be a tough habit to shake. \u201cOften an individual in a toxic relationship has trained their brain that by apologizing they can control their partner\u2019s reaction patterns,\u201d she says. \u201cEven once an individual has left the unhealthy relationship they often can find themselves automatically apologizing to try to protect themselves from the hurt and judgment they previously experienced.”<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 13<\/strong><\/p>\n You Feel Confused<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cYou may experience this if you were constantly lied to and found out your ex was lying in a negative way,\u201d Dr. Donna T. Novak, PsyD, a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle. \u201cYou may experience great sadness or depression, feeling like you knew someone but you truly didn’t.\u201d It can be heartbreaking and upsetting, to the point where you feel confused for a long time after the breakup.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The fact you were lied to can, for obvious reasons, also contributes to ongoing trust issues. \u201cIt is never too late to seek out the help and support you deserve,\u201d Novak says. \u201cThe sooner you take action to work on your trauma, the better chances you will have to recover and find love within yourself and others again.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 14<\/strong><\/p>\n You Withdraw From Friends & Family<\/strong><\/p>\n While some people may want to surround themselves with friends and family after a traumatic relationship, it\u2019s OK if you would prefer to be alone for a while.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWhen you get out of a toxic relationship you often dThat said, you might go the opposite direction and become anxiously attached, she says, which might look like not wanting to be left alone. \u201cPay attention to how this trauma is showing up in your life on a day-to-day basis,\u201d Guy says, and let those around you know what\u2019s up so they can offer the right kind of support.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 15<\/strong><\/p>\n You Feel Unsure In New Relationships<\/strong><\/p>\n If and when you do begin a new relationship, don\u2019t be surprised if you feel unsure and unsettled. “After an individual exits a toxic relationship they often can find themselves reacting to new relationships with patterns or suspicions,\u201d Roberts says. It\u2019s also possible you\u2019ll read into what your new partner says and assume they are crossing boundaries even when they aren\u2019t.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Noticing this tendency can be the first step in moving past it. “As an individual with a toxic relationship history, it is important to be aware that you might be sensing something negative, but you may also be labeling a simple mistake as something harmful when really it\u2019s just a natural misunderstanding in the development of this next relationship,” Roberts says. It may help to let a new partner know what you\u2019ve been through so they can avoid triggering you, and also offer support.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n That said, it\u2019s important to trust your gut. If you notice similar toxic patterns in your new partner, don\u2019t ignore them. Trust what you\u2019ve learned from your past relationship and don\u2019t be afraid to end a new one if it is giving you bad vibes.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As Hornstein says, \u201cIf the person you are with sucks all the joy out of your time together, scares you, or makes you not like yourself, the best gift you can give yourself is going to therapy with or without the person and find your way back to solid ground.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" While many people feel down or upset when a relationship comes to an end, there’s a big difference between taking a moment to pause and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10559,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10554","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-gaols"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10554","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10554"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10554\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10560,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10554\/revisions\/10560"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10559"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10554"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10554"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10554"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/f2c012a2-ba58-4a96-b512-c6abc2100efd-shutterstock-1641172411-300x200.avif\")
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