You\u2019ve met and married the perfect man. You\u2019re compatible in every way that matters. Then, without warning, those butterflies that once fluttered all around your tummy every time he touched you suddenly fly off.<\/p>\n
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Maybe your husband has gained a few extra pounds, stopped cutting his hair or has taken a firm stand against suits and has decided to wear the same stained sweatpants every time you go to a wedding.<\/p>\n
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Or maybe nothing about his physical appearance has changed and he actually looks 100 times sexier than he did when you met. Perhaps you\u2019re the one carrying around lofty expectations about your love life that he has failed to fulfill during your time as a married couple. It\u2019s possible you have babies or children or teenagers and they consume every second of your day and make it impossible for you to see your partner as anything other than a pair of hands to help change diapers.<\/p>\n
Since attraction is in the eye of the beholder, there\u2019s no one reason why people stop finding their partner hot, but I think we can all agree that it happens sometimes and that it can be a huge problem because what usually follows is a lack of sex. And how many husbands (or wives) can continue finding happiness in their marriages when they suspect their partner no longer desires them?<\/p>\n
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\u201cIt\u2019s easy to feel romantic when you live separately and date each other, because every moment spent together is special,\u201d said Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., (aka \u201cDr. Romance\u201d) psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. \u201cFrom the moment you begin to live together, such romantic moments are no longer automatic. Instead, much of your time together is spent on more mundane things. As soon as the initial newness of living together wears off, you may find yourself feeling worried that your partner no longer cares as much or is as excited to be with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Tessina says it\u2019s natural for marriages to go through lulls, so before you start worrying, analyze your relationship and try to determine whether your lack of physical interest in your partner is the result of something temporary, like a new career that takes up your energy, a new baby or an illness in your family that is stressing you out.<\/p>\n
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Assuming you can\u2019t identify the culprit and just feel like your desire for your partner has faded, Tessina offers six tips on how to recapture the feeling of being in love.<\/p>\n
1. Don\u2019t let our \u201cyouth-obsessed\u201d culture rob you of pleasure<\/strong> 2. Go away<\/strong> 3. Act like a girlfriend instead of a wife<\/strong> 4. Don\u2019t let your expectations get out of line<\/strong> 5. Get your mind off of yourself<\/strong> <\/p>\n 6. Have \u201cflexible\u201d sex<\/strong> Quickies<\/strong>: Brief sexual encounters that are great fun when you\u2019re pressed for time. Morning heavy petting can make the whole day more exciting.<\/p>\n Sneaky sex:<\/strong> Whispery sex behind locked doors while the children are watching TV is great fun, or sneak lovemaking in your childhood bedroom while visiting your parents.<\/p>\n Romantic sex:<\/strong> Pull out all the stops: candlelight, dinner, dancing, dressing up, perhaps a lovely hotel room or a romantic dinner for two at home. It\u2019s great for celebrations, or anytime you need a boost.<\/p>\n Newlywed sex:<\/strong> Recreate your first married days: the time you met your husband at the door wearing only a negligee or whispered wild things in his ear.<\/p>\n Make-up sex:<\/strong> After an argument or a struggle, sex can be extra loving and memorable.<\/p>\n Comforting sex:<\/strong> When one of you is sad or stressed, the other can be especially tender and soothing.<\/p>\n Relaxing sex:<\/strong> Laze around, have breakfast in bed, and make love for as long as you want; no pressure, no hurry and no demands on each other.<\/p>\n Reassuring sex:<\/strong> Tender affection reassures a partner who is temporarily insecure, and reaffirms your mutual love and commitment. Declare your love and remember how important it is.<\/p>\n Fantasy sex:<\/strong> Act out all the silly, forbidden or exciting fantasies you have: Nurse and patient (or doctor), children \u201cplaying house,\u201d famous movie star and adoring fan or your two favorite characters from a soap opera, novel or movie. If you feel a little silly, laughter will only make it more fun.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" You\u2019ve met and married the perfect man. You\u2019re compatible in every way that matters. Then, without warning, those butterflies that once fluttered all around your<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10467,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10466","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-gaols","category-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10466","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10466"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10466\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10468,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10466\/revisions\/10468"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10467"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10466"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10466"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10466"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n\u201cDon\u2019t get unrealistically focused on appearances. Growing old together means we will eventually show our age. Focus on how you feel about your partner, not on baldness, weight issues or lack of performance ability. You can happily have sex with each other into your dotage, if you learn to accept the changes that come with age.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nNo, not forever! Tessina says: \u201cIntimacy is only possible when there is also sufficient personal space. Allow a little distance, regularly. \u2018How can I miss you if you don\u2019t go away?\u2019 is a humorous way to put it. You need some separate activities, friends and interests to keep your desire for each other fresh.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhen you\u2019re married and living together, it is too easy to let romance slide. Don\u2019t forget to bring home flowers, send cards, create or buy silly little gifts for each other. Write poetry, silly notes, or songs, clip a magazine cartoon, or simply speak the positive things you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cFun and intimacy do not depend on spending money or going to extremes; they don\u2019t depend on a particular setting or activity, and they don\u2019t have to take a lot of time. Through play we reconnect with our hearts, our childlike selves and the intuitive, spontaneous responses that lead to sexual connections.\u201d Got that? Let\u2019s all break out our Scrabble boards tonight and pop open a bottle of wine.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cThe most powerful thing you can do to keep a marriage strong is form a partnership, a team, where both parties feel respected, cared about and needed. If you really want to restore the marriage, begin not by complaining about your needs that aren\u2019t being met, but by focusing on your mate\u2019s needs. Once your good connection is restored, you can begin to work out the issues.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nI\u2019m not talking about the kind of sex where you lift your feet over your head (though, if you can do that, too, more power to you both). Tessina encourages couples to open their minds to a variety of sex options in order to keep their relationships hot. Curious about her \u201cmenu?\u201d Of course you are! Here are her suggestions:<\/p>\n