I\u2019ve been married for nearly 10 years now. In that time, my husband and I have lived with my mother, barely scraped by on one paycheck, lived below our means with two decent incomes and flipped back to being one-income earners. All of which is to say, we\u2019ve had a lot of practice talking about money and all the ways we deal with finances in our relationship.<\/p>\n
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To be clear, we\u2019ve also had our share of arguments and hurt feelings over money too. When we first got married, I was the textbook saver and he leaned toward being a spender. I wish we\u2019d had better resources to know not just how to budget, but also how to talk to each other about our budgets so we\u2019d have been better able to understand where the other was coming from.<\/p>\n
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We certainly weren\u2019t alone in our struggles. A February 2017 study by Ramsey Solutions found that money was the No. 1 issue couples fight about. The study also found that money arguments were the second-leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity.<\/p>\n
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Why is it so hard to talk about money? \u201cI think one of the big reasons is that we equate our self-worth with our net worth,\u201d says Ashley Feinstein, life coach and owner of The Fiscal Femme.<\/p>\n
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When we believe our debt or our ability to budget makes us good or bad people, we\u2019re less likely to share where we\u2019re struggling or what we value. And that\u2019s really what money is in many ways: an allocation of values.<\/p>\n
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Step 1: Start with budgeting for something specific<\/p>\n
\u201cI think it\u2019s so important to communicate with each other,\u201d Maggie Germano, a financial education instructor and financial coach, tells SheKnows. \u201cMoney is a huge part of life and it really touches on everything. Where you want to go on vacation, that\u2019s a money conversation. Where you want to live, how you want to decorate your home, where and how often you want to go out to eat: all at least, in part, money conversations.\u201d<\/p>\n
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The good news is these can be excellent low-stakes places to start conversations about cash flow and begin to learn the ways to deal with finances in your relationship.<\/p>\n
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\u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to be like, \u2018Let\u2019s lay out our assets and look at all the numbers,’\u201d Feinstein says. \u201cI think it\u2019s fun to start the conversation by dreaming a little bit.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Talking about your goals and plans for the future, even the ones that don\u2019t necessarily seem to be tied to your investment plans, can be an easy entry point.<\/p>\n
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Germano, for example, found herself having to have a conversation with her partner early on because he was more of a spender than she was, and she found herself coming close to missing her own personal goals trying to keep up with his spending.<\/p>\n
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\u201cGet on the same page about how often you want to go out to eat or travel so that one person doesn\u2019t feel overwhelmed by the spending or intimidated or even resentful,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
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Step 2: Discuss how and when to merge your accounts<\/p>\n
When to start merging accounts is, again, dependent on the couple \u2014 though your finances are most likely to start getting tied together when you share a living space or get married. Or you might have a joint goal you\u2019re working toward, like saving for a vacation.<\/p>\n
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3 Steps to Deal With Finances in Your Relationship, According to Finance Experts<\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been married for nearly 10 years now. In that time, my husband and I have lived with my mother, barely scraped by on one paycheck, lived below our means with two decent incomes and flipped back to being one-income earners. All of which is to say, we\u2019ve had a lot of practice talking about money and all the ways we deal with finances in our relationship.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
To be clear, we\u2019ve also had our share of arguments and hurt feelings over money too. When we first got married, I was the textbook saver and he leaned toward being a spender. I wish we\u2019d had better resources to know not just how to budget, but also how to talk to each other about our budgets so we\u2019d have been better able to understand where the other was coming from.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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