{"id":10011,"date":"2026-01-04T15:44:55","date_gmt":"2026-01-04T15:44:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/?p=10011"},"modified":"2026-01-04T15:44:55","modified_gmt":"2026-01-04T15:44:55","slug":"for-9-years-i-grieved-my-firstborn-assuming-i-may-never-get-to-know-her-birth-mom-shares-beautiful-relationship-with-daughter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/storieshub.xyz\/?p=10011","title":{"rendered":"\u2018For 9 years I grieved my firstborn, assuming I may never get to know her.\u2019: Birth mom shares beautiful relationship with daughter"},"content":{"rendered":"

Grieving My Adopted Daughter
\n\u201cFor nine years I grieved my firstborn daughter. After my guardians discovered I was a little over three months pregnant at 14 years old, I was given an ultimatum: make an adoption plan or go. I made an adoption plan and delivered my baby girl six months later, placing her in her mama\u2019s arms and leaving the hospital with a deeper sadness than I had ever known.<\/p>\n

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For those unaware of how the adoption agencies can work, I was asked a host of hard questions, in a non-therapeutic setting, and then asked what I wanted out of the relationship. \u2018Can I see her?\u2019 was at the top of my list. \u2018Why don\u2019t we plan a one year visit and photo updates after that,\u2019 I felt myself shrinking away. \u2018So can I send letters and gifts and photos too?\u2019 I managed to plead. \u2018You don\u2019t want to overwhelm the family, so maybe just twice a year. Her birthday and Christmas seem like a good compromise,\u2019 I nodded. \u2018So I can\u2019t send something just because?\u2019 I felt like a burden already. \u2018That\u2019s probably not a good idea\u2026but here are three family profiles we think you might like.\u2019<\/p>\n

I eagerly counted down the days until I got to see my daughter again, knowing it would likely be both the first and last time. As a child of kinship care, estranged from my own biological mother, I was reminded often enough that she neither loved me or wanted me and so I assumed my daughter would grow up hearing the same. Our visit arrived as slow as molasses but seemed to linger for only a moment. She was happy, I could see she was happy and that gave my heart a bit of peace.<\/p>\n

A long and wild eight years passed. I ran away from my abusive home, got emancipated, met an incredible man, got married, delivered our first child and gained custody of my infant half sister (another story for another day). I had the girls at the local splash pad when my flip-phone rang.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Mother-Daughter Reunion
\n\u2018Hello.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Yes, hello. Is this Raquel?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018It is\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018This is Ruth from Christian Adoption Services. I\u2019m calling on behalf of your birth daughter\u2019s parents. It seems your birth daughter is eager to meet you and her sister, so her parents are requesting a visit if you\u2019re comfortable doing so.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Hello\u2026Raquel?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019m here. Ummm, sorry, I\u2019m just a little taken aback. Did I hear you correctly? They want to meet me? In person?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Yes, that\u2019s correct.\u2019<\/p>\n

That was 10 years ago. For ten years we\u2019ve been building a relationship, slowly at first. Softly, unaware of any invisible boundaries that may have been present and too nervous to accidentally cross one. We laugh about it now but I\u2019ll never forget the time we were standing together for a photo and she looked at me, half annoyed and said, \u2018Can you put your arm around me or something? We look so stiff.\u2019 I had spent years wanting to squeeze her up in a tight hug, but too afraid the affection would make her uncomfortable\u2026and here she was, brave and bold, vocalizing exactly what she needed in that moment.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

That beautiful, strong-willed girl is a young woman now, 19 and full of life. We just got back from our first ever week-long vacation together. Over the past year, I\u2019ve built an Instagram community around adoption education that is saturated in hope and healing. When I announced we were taking our first ever family vacation, an incredibly generous follower, Sarah Hutto, offered a complimentary photoshoot while we were near her home base in Florida. Y\u2019all, I got our gallery back last night and I\u2019m in tears. Unless you\u2019re a birthmother, it may be hard to fully understand, but I\u2019ll try to convey the weight of this moment\u2026<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I love all of my children deeply, but with my youngest two, I never had to question if I would have a place in their lives. It\u2019s the reality of parenting. You have a front row seat to every first, last, and the plethora of mundane moments in between. With my oldest it was different. I spent nine years assuming I may never get the opportunity to know her, and the next nine years terrified her or her parents might change their minds about inviting me into their lives. Not because it was ever said, but because a birthmother\u2019s involvement isn\u2019t promised or protected. For 18 years I held my breath, and last night I opened up a gallery of family photos my firstborn chose to be a part of. I scrolled through candid snapshots of a vacation she wanted to be at. I watched videos of her, fully comfortable existing within our home, and I wept.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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